May 21, 2006: Stalkeriffic update! Now we're getting Livejournal stalking. For variety, I guess. Crazy folks like to mix it up.
If you're here,
it's probably because you've already met her. At any rate, here's a bit
of history, a bit of a tale, a bit of a wond'rous journey of
self-discovery. If you have any friends who are being cyberstalked, you
can direct them here or to this page,
which is more general advice and insights into stalking from the
perspective of a man who's been stalked by a woman. It's not as rare as
you might think.
We've all made regrettable dating choices in the past, haven't we?
most cases, these decisions result in an awkward breakup, or temporary
heartbreak, or a transient bitter feeling towards the opposite (or
my case, it's led to over a decade of harassment.
in 1994 -- remember that year, friends, there'll be a test -- I dated a
girl that I shared some university classes with. We held hands, went to
the fast food court at the Eaton Centre together, and did some
smooching, but nothing too over the top.
relationship lasted five days.
days, because as of Day Three, the girl started exhibiting some weird
behaviour. Controlling, possessive, be-with-me-every-second-of-the-day,
date on Day Five ended with the girl standing in the middle of Yonge
Street at midnight in the pouring freezing rain, screaming at me to
tell her I loved her while drivers leaned on their horns and a chorus
of people yelled at us to get out of the fucking intersection.
Six, a Saturday, I broke up with her.
Seven, the stalking began.
the current year. As of this writing it's 2006, but I have every reason
to assume that that might not be when you're reading this note.
take the current year, and subtract 1994.
how long this has been going on. Phase One involved threatening
letters, greeting cards with skeletons on them, a dead animal on the
porch, a day-long stakeout of my parents' house (back when I was living
with them during university summers... she drove two hours from
Toronto, parked outside my house for hours, then interviewed
all of my neighbours, then left... God knows what would have happened
if we'd been home that day) and a midnight call on Hallowe'en, when she
begged me to impregnate her and swore she'd never speak to me again if
she could just have my baby. I, uh, said no.
was before a blissful multi-year hiatus in the middle, with only very
sporadic stalkery bits... letters, photographs... showing up from time
to time. But for the last year and a bit, Phase Two -- the cyberstalking
phase -- has been here in full force, with the raging fury of a
thousand craaaaazy suns.
you're reading this, most likely it's because you're a member of an
Internet forum that I'm also a member of, and the stalker in question
has found out I'm posting there. She's paid
people to try to hack my e-mail, or so she says. Whether or
not that's true, she's definitely shown a skill for finding out which
Internet communities I'm a member of and spamming the hell out of
them -- more than 150 forum posts and more than 100
e-mails to various friends and colleagues of mine within the last 14
months, containing a laundry list of allegations, slander, libel,
physical threats and death threats towards me, my friends and my
family. They've ranged from ranting promises to kill me to notes about
"medical conditions" explaining that she's not always in full control
over her actions.
you, the "medical conditions" posts/e-mails haven't led to any lasting
help being sought, or at least taking hold -- after a short while, the
cycle begins anew, and we're back to the crazy ranting stage.
the nature of the Internet, it's almost impossible to get any sort of
authoritative help; "harassment" is hard to prove, and it's nearly
impossible to prove that person X on an Internet forum is the same
crazy lady that's posted the other 299 batshit-crazy things in other
forums. If you're an admin, dollars to donuts you can trace the IP back
to somewhere in Toronto, probably the Tulip servers of the Toronto
Public Library system -- another stumbling block when it comes to
seeking official help (the TPL lets anyone use their computers, any
intrusive. It's hard to go through your e-mail every morning,
especially when you're a writer and get a lot of mail from people you
don't know, and find a new pseudonym with a new oblique way of
threatening your life or that of your friends, or even your cats. It's
highly annoying to be talking about self-publishing options in a forum
with other writers, only to be interrupted by a post that goes on a
wild tangent about how you're evil and not to be trusted.
you're here, you've probably experienced the crazy first-hand. If you
haven't, sit tight and the crazy will come to you. This, I can promise.
I apologize if you're having to endure a torrent of e-mails from a
lunatic that I broke up with over 11 years ago. I'm sorry if you're
having to wade through forum posts about my monumental evil; I'm
ESPECIALLY sorry if you're a forum admin and it actually takes you time
and effort to ban these user accounts and block these IP addresses.
Joey, Reinder, Joe, Valen, Darkson, Kev Steve, JR, Justin, and many
others: I'm saddened that you've been given even more work in your busy
schedules because of this. It's my problem, and I've made it yours.
being said... you, gentle netizen, may be wondering "what can I do to
nothing. Like, AGGRESSIVELY nothing.
best strategy I've been given to date is "delete and ignore."
person is mentally ill, and crazy people don't think like we do. They
make their own rules regarding reality.
this means is that they don't respond rationally to positive/negative
refer you to my Big Red Button. analogy.
Don't push the button.
I'm asking you not to respond to her; if you have, please delete your
posts/e-mails and stop replying. If you're a forum admin,
delete her posts and ban that ID immediately. She may generate another
ID (12+ now on Talk About Comics, and they just keep on coming).
sorry about the inconvenience; believe me, if there were any way I
could stop this I would. But the only way to get her to go away is to
ignore her. Don't push that button. "Delete and ignore" are the
watchwords of those who have gone through this, and for good reason.
I've learned a few things from this. One
is that good friends are worth their weight in gold, and I truly
appreciate everyone that's supported me through this ongoing ordeal.
Another is the Big Red Button lesson,
which I think needs to be shared with everyone who suffers serial
harassment from a deranged person. It's an important thing to know.